What I Leave Behind

Idle Time | July 2025

There are pieces we write from thought—and others that rise from somewhere deeper, older, and harder to name. This is one of those.

A reflection, a shedding, and a love letter all wrapped in one.

I’ve carried much—old wounds, unspoken truths, misplaced attachments, the weight of trying to fit into spaces I was never meant to shrink for.

This piece marks the close of that chapter.

It’s not just about what I’ve learned. It’s about what I’m leaving behind—so I can walk lighter, with clearer eyes and a fuller heart.

If this resonates with you, it’s yours too.

Let this be a mirror. A marker. A moment.

And with that, here’s the final piece I’ll share publicly for a while.

---

---

As weird as it may seem
I never really had friends —
let alone a best.
They all had their groups,
an ear they’d rarely lend.
And if they did,
it was often to meet their ends.

Forever ungrounded,
by no tethers am I bound —
just a leaf in the wind
in search of his crown.
Clutching onto currents
before I eventually meet the ground.

They say “stand proud in the now,”
but peep my environment… and state how?
What can inoculate this now?
There’s no remedy in adjectives,
metaphors or nouns —
So in a sense,
linguistically I’m bound.


Hours later the following lines grace me…


I asked God to cleanse my scars
and turn my pain into passion.
Burnt down my past selves —
now I’m reborn from the ashes.

Filtered out my influences,
now there’s little room for distractions.
Reflected on all my actions,
praying I find traction… and if not find,
I’d build a faction.

In my judgment there rarely lapses
but the fact is:
I know when you’re all acting.
Time reveals all.

My intuition stronger than ever.
I used to use force —
but nowadays I like flow better.
I can kinda predict the weather…

But I somehow still get wet.
Am I a victim of what I project?
My reality — a mirror of what’s in my head.
The conflicts that arise,
this storm with no end.

Despite numerous defeats,
still poised for the road ahead.
I wonder what image this’ll send —
be it truth or distorted lens.

Hurt but still fend.
Bracing for impact.
Lord knows what’s next.
Till then… I deject.

To love self — take necessary steps
with immediate effect.
I’m a hell of an experience…
Just permanence isn’t my friend.

But I digress…


Things that’ll be left in this chapter,
and not brought to the next:


The self-sabotage.
Leading not with my heart, but my head.
Holding onto attachments
with vultures mistaken as friends.

Trying to control the pace —
when we’ll get there in the end.
Dimming my light,
out of fear I won’t fit in.

I was never meant to.

The reluctance to surrender
to the unknown
and possibilities I can’t fathom.
These last few vices —
I won’t have them.

The negative thoughts,
and the emotions I attach them.
The passivity to put thought into action.
Unlearn and relearn.
New methods.
New actions.
Misalignment — no longer attracting.


In closing, beloved…


Awaiting my next chapter
and all that’ll come after.
As I slowly come in to,
once broken — now renewed.

These lessons… now laws.
I now know… what not to do.

I understand the confines of my reality.
We don’t operate under the same rules.
Ignorance is no longer bliss
when you’re blessed with these gifts.
A love letter to you, this an ode to little Rich.
You made it through the fire—now bask in your own myth.

---